Thursday, March 4, 2010

Sanity Savers

Two of my sanity buddies!

A better pic! Sanity buddy #1 and me!

We all have people in our lives that drive us crazy right? I mean I know I am not the only difficult person in this world who interacts with crazy people. There is just no way that I am the only person who could possibly feel this way. Whether it is people we work with, family members, church members or neighbors...There is always those select few who drive us insane. I mean ready to crack open a big bottle of wine and down it in one gulp kind of crazy. Well, for those of you who get along and love everyone you meet, this post is not for you....because you are either God or Jesus and you do not need to go on reading this any more. Now that those people who are in denial are gone us sinners in life can talk turkey. I have come up with some tips to help you maintain your sanity when dealing with these challenging people. Now, I am going to preface this with I get that I might make someone insane as well. Well, if I do, just use these tips and I am sure you will be calm, cool and collected in the end. If not, then just stay away from me if possible and I won't drive you crazy in the end. So, here goes with my top ten sanity savers in life:
1. MEDICATION-If this is your sanity saver then you won't really care that the person is driving you nuts and will probably be smiling the entire time they are talking to you.
2. COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL-This is a sure fire way to either dull your senses or make you un-inhibited enough to tell the person how you really feel. Either way you might not remember it later and life will be good for you.
3. IMAGERY-You can pretend that you are doing any number of things to this person or can go away to another universe where they do not exist! This works well. I have tried this on many occasions.
4. CALLING IN SICK- Now understand this works well for a day or two and then you will have to resort to 1-3 in order to keep your job.
5. REGURGITATION- This works really well if you really want the person you are talking to/dealing to think you are sick. You might not even have to fake this! If that is the case then opt for #4 and it gives you a little more time to recuperate.
6. MEDITATION-Light a candle, read a devotional, burn some incense, and take yourself away to another realm, universe or destination. Please remember to do this in private as some people might think you are nuts. It you are still in danger of losing your sanity, please refer to #'s 1 & 2.
7. USE AN EXCUSE-PMS, bipolar, irritable bowel syndrome, etc. This will give you a little bit of leeway when you get "snippy" or "pissy" with that person. It will also give you a chance to possibly use # 4 if you work with that person. Please remember that the repeated use of # 4 could result in unemployment and/or homelessness. This could also impact your ability to afford #'s 1 and 2 which could possibly prove fatal for you.
8. HONESTY-Now please remember that this is just a suggestion to you. If you feel the need to lay all your cards on the table with this person, remember one thing. This person drives you crazy!!! So, make sure that you use this approach in front of numerous witnesses, as it might result in what we southern girls call a "hissy fit". The reason for the audience is that if witnesses are needed in court to attest to your insanity defense.....You are all set. Please remember that if honesty is not your policy or you do not want to hurt the others feelings then please resort to #'s 1 & 2.
9. SANITY BUDDY-This can be a very important person in your life. Make sure that you put him/her on your speed dial so they can be contacted at a moment's notice. However, make sure that your sanity buddy is not as crazy as the person who you are calling about or you will have defeated the purpose. A true sanity buddy will participate in any of the above mentioned sanity savers and bail you out of jail if you require those services. I have several of these!
10. Now that you are at the end of the list # 10 encompasses all of the afore mentioned sanity savers. It is clearly written in the sanity saver by-laws that you may use them all at once or any combination thereof. Please be aware that if you do this, there is the slight possibility of a complete and total breakdown. That being the case the person who drove you to implement any or all of these savers, will tell are her friends well "bless her heart". We as southern women know exactly what that means and realize that is never a phrase we want attached to our names.
I hope that my sanity savers help you out today, tomorrow or any time in the near future. If not, I hope it makes you laugh today!